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Thursday, November 6, 2014

Most of the things you do are not a big deal

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I really needed to be reminded of this yesterday.

Some things are a very big deal.  killing someone...
Huge. Deal.

There are some things that are a big deal. Things like deciding whom to share your life with, friends, best friends (cause they always seem like they're own breed), family, significant others, pets, the paper you journal on... all are a kinda big deal because they help to contribute who you are as a person.

How you do things is a little less of a deal. How you eat your meal and with who,  how you talk and interact with the people around you, what school you go to and why you go there are all parts of your contribution to yourself as a person

Most things that you do are of no significance whatsoever. You breathe but everyone does that, you eat but everyone does that also, you go to school but most people do that because they have to, you can go to more school and it seems like most people are doing that now too. None of these things make you an individual.

Yesterday ended with me feeling all soupy on the inside, like someone took out my bones and structural tissues. You guessed it, because of something so microscopic you'd need 3 of NASA's most powerful telescopes all perfectly aligned, eyepiece to lens, to see it. In fact, I didn't even see it as a big deal before I tried to talk to my mom about it. (way to go, mom)

I withdrew from a course I'd already finished more than half of.

A class that pushed myself out on a limb, to try something new, just because I could.  Back in August I registered late for it, because I had the time, freedom, and unfulfilled degree requirement. Now yesterday, last day to withdraw, I decided it just wasn't for me.

While my mother, father, and the university advisors think the permanently engraved W on my transcript says something about me, or my personality, or the kind of person I am, and while they made me feel as though I were single handedly removing the Earth from planetary orbit, I refuse to think so because W doesn't signify anything more than a change of mind. It's confirmation I that I know a smidgen more about what I'm interested in (or not interested in) when it comes to school.

W isn't the same as killing someone
W isn't the name of a friend, family member, or journal
W isn't something you can eat with and gossip to
W isn't in the air I breathe or the food I eat


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